If your inbox and social media feeds are anything like mine right now, they're inundated with messages about new year's resolutions. "It's time to clean up your life!" says the world. "Sign up for the January cure to get your house in order!" or "Download my sweat app and be sexy by February!" 

There's nothing inherently wrong with new year's resolutions. I've done some big ones in the past (if you've been here awhile, you'll remember the "Year of Less" that totally transformed how I thought about consumption and improved my style in the process). 

But there is a major limitation to thinking about your life on a 12-month time horizon: it creates only incremental improvements that can be achieved in the short-term, at the expense of focus on what actually matters in the long run.

What's the problem with new year's resolutions? 

If we’re unclear on our purpose, and haven't considered where we are aiming for our lives to go long term, our pattern of making one-year-at-a-time incremental adjustments to our behaviors based on who and where we are in life today blinds us from the bigger picture, and has the potential to lead us in directions that do not fulfill us or create regrets later in life. (But at least we'll look like Kayla Itsines and have a clean kitchen while we take the wrong path!)

In addition, new year’s resolutions lack incentives. They aren't bold or exciting. They don't tend to be part of a greater vision or strategic imperative. They don't stir our emotions and light our passions. They don't create a sense of urgency and purpose. And worst of all, they don't provide us with much reason to be creative, to innovate, to think differently, to stretch so far outside of our comfort zones that we could fail and learn and grow as human beings.

How can we make better life changes?

You need to know where you're aiming your life, the direction of your sight, for any goal to be worthwhile. Your aim, what you set your sights on, narrows your view. It limits your thoughts and actions to what you're able to see through that lens you've created with your aim. And I'd like to suggest that a viewfinder narrowly focused on next December is too small for your level of intelligence and life potential.

Set the viewfinder on the year 2030, and zoom out on who you want to be when you're that age and stage in life. It's not about what you want to have accomplished. It's about defining the characteristics of that version of yourself ten years in the future, and what you need to start, stop or continue doing in the present to grow and evolve into that version of yourself.

I did this exercise last year, and it was a game-changer for the year 2019. It's helped me expand my thinking, find courage and motivation to take more risks, and create more joy and success in all the ways I define it for my life. So I feel compelled to share it with you, especially because it's so simple. Below are the steps, and I've also included a summary of my own responses to these questions at the end in case it helps to inspire how you think about your own life.

#1 Get a sheet of paper, a pen, a cup of coffee and a comfortable place to sit.

 At the top of the paper, write "A note from me at [add 10 years to the age you are today], January 1, 2030." (I know this sounds cheesy but there's some psychological  / emotional phenomenon that happens by visioning it and writing it down, and you can always rip it up when you're done.)

#2 Close your eyes and spend five minutes envisioning your ideal self at that age.

Who are you with? Who's life is better because you exist? Where are you living? What are you doing with your time? How do you feel in your mind? In your body? In your relationships? In your career? In your wealth? Don't judge your thoughts or consider today's realities, just envision that if anything were possible, what that version of yourself would say.

#3 On the paper, write out responses to the questions above as statements.

For example, "I'm living in Southern California surrounded by my family and closest friends" or "I'm in the most joy-filled marriage with my best friend" and anything else that came to mind and stirred up excitement or positive emotions as you tried to imagine the ideal version of yourself in the year 2030.

#4 Spend a few minutes considering where you are in your current reality.

What needs to change in how you're thinking and acting in order to become that version of yourself in 10 years? Answer the following questions: 

How would me-in-the-year-2030 want me-in-the-year-2020 to think differently? What would s/he want me to do differently? What would s/he want me to stop saying to myself in my own mind? To stop thinking about and focusing on? To stop doing? To stop spending my money on? Who would s/he want me to stop sharing my time and energy with? What would s/he want me to start saying to myself in my own mind? To start thinking about and focusing on? To start doing? To start spending my money on? Who would s/he want me to start sharing my time and energy with?

#5 On your sheet of paper, write out your responses to those questions as a note from yourself in 2030 to yourself today.

 Aim your sights on who you want the older, wiser, ideal version of yourself to be, and start, stop and continue thinking and doing the things that you wrote out in step #4. Pick the smallest, easiest thing and once you've mastered it, choose another. Then another, and another, and another. And watch your life transform.

This exercise is a version of what I did last year after my friend Jenny challenged me to stop thinking about my life according to 12-month increments and instead take a 10-year view on who I want to become. 

Here's what the 42-year-old version of myself had to say:

Stop thinking about what other people are thinking of you, period — instead, start defining the critical few honest, trustworthy people who have your best intentions at heart, and tune out everything except their feedback. Start tuning in to the intuitive, higher self within your mind that's begging to be heard beneath the incessant, uncontrolled thoughts whirring through your head.

Stop fearing judgment, rejection, and failure — instead, start expecting it, embracing it, and releasing it from having any influence on how you think, act and carry yourself. Start seeing it as a sign that you are pushing outside of your comfort zone, that you are trying new things that you must be bad at before you can get good, that you are growing and becoming a better, more empathetic human being.

Stop fearful thoughts in their tracks in general, they don't serve you — instead, start viewing them as your animal brain trying to keep you safe, secure, and exactly like everyone else. If it's not on fire, bleeding, or clearly running at you with horns, knives or malintent, let it go. Start using fearful thoughts as an exercise to build your mental muscle to control your animal brain instead of letting it control you.

Stop seeking external validation, obsessing over your appearance and caring how your outer self appears to the world — instead, start caring only how it appears to God and those closest to you. Start seeking external inputs and wisdom to make yourself a better human.

Stop looking for permission, for validation, for a pat on the back — instead, start trusting your instincts and building the courage to go your own way even if it's unproven and lonely. Actually, especially if it's unproven and lonely, because that's where all of human progress is made.

Stop judgmental and negative thoughts about other people — instead, start replacing them with "loving-kindness" without prejudice, even when it's hard. Actually, especially if it's hard, because that's the whole point.

Stop spending time with people who give you anxiety, who make you doubt yourself or feel badly, who drain your energy, who sap your joy, who make you feel like you're not enough in some way — instead, start focusing your time and energy on the relationships that truly matter in the grand scheme of life. Start taking radical accountability over the quality of those relationships. Start focusing only on what you can actually control in order to improve them, which is yourself.

Stop avoiding yourself with alcohol, and allowing your precious time and energy be wasted in ways that do not truly recharge you, fill you up or give you peace — instead, start spending twice as much time meditating and seeking peace than you do entertaining yourself. Start spending twice as much time educating yourself than you do avoiding yourself.

Stop wasting your money on things that won't matter in 10 years, that won't appreciate in value, that won't bring you or others joy, that will limit your freedom in life — instead, start spending your money in ways that will give you more time and freedom. Start investing your money in ways that will expand your potential and capacity to serve the world."

This exercise has helped me make some massive life changes this year, including going up for an early promotion to senior manager at my firm, self-publishing my book, starting a fellowship at MIT, selling our house to give us the freedom to move and take risks, launching a side project merging my interests in art, humor and self-development with The Art Institute of Chicago and The Second City, and taking a 6-month leave from work to focus on aligning who I am and what I do in a much bigger and more fulfilling way. I’m convinced that I would not have had the courage to do most of these things — and certainly not all of them in tandem — had this 42-year-old version of myself not been shouting at me from the future. Without this exercise, I’d still be struggling in that small, cramped space I’d carved for myself out of my fears, insecurities and lack of urgency to change. (I wrote about that struggle here.)

If you made it all the way to the end of this post, welcome to total world domination, we are going to cure cancer and make billions together. (Just kidding, unless that's what 2030 you wants from life.)  Either way, I'd love to hear one thing you took away from this post in the comments if you care to share.

P.S. I'd be remiss not to include a shameless plug for my book, "Am I Doing This Right," which covers the seven most important questions you need to ask yourself if you want a life that matters. You can order the paperback book here, the Kindle version here and the Audible version here.